My Immortal
by BeckyRocks-x
Summary: Howard angst. Howard struggles to cope without his best friend. Rated T to be safe. Random oneshot to 'My Immortal', by Evanescance.


**The worlds gone weird, Violence4 wrote a happy story today, and I wrote something angsty. FYI, I wrote this last Friday while I was off sick and depressed, but was too scared to post it.**

**Disclaimer ****I don't own the Boosh.**

**Its all in Howard's POV.**

_**I'm so tired of being here**_

_**Suppressed by all my childish fears**_

_**And if you have to leave**_

_**I wish that you would just leave**_

_**'Cause your presence still lingers here**_

_**And it won't leave me alone**__._

I sat on the edge of his bed, not bothering to stop the tears that were rolling down my cheeks. I come into this room every day, and just sit here, looking at the things that remind me, no matter how hard it is. Naboo and Bollo, know I come in, but they don't interrupt me while I'm in here.

At first, I tried not to come in here, I tried to forget, but I felt like I was trying to erase the best thing that had ever happened to me from my life. Sometimes, I think about moving, to a different flat, starting again, because its painful, being surrounded by reminders of him, and my parents agree that it would help me move on with my life.

I know it wouldn't help though, no matter what they think. Wherever I go, he's there, everything reminds me f him, his memory won't leave me alone, and I'm not sure I want it to.

_**These wounds won't seem to heal**_

_**This pain is just too real**_

_**There's just too much that time cannot erase **_

People said time would heal my broken heart, but I don't seem to feel any less grief than I did when he first died. I feel just as bad as I did nine months and three days ago. Nine months, and three days of nothingness. He was the reason I breathed.

The grief is painful now. I ache from crying too much, I feel tired and dead inside. I quit my job, I don't see anybody apart from Naboo or Bollo. The sympathetic looks, the kind words, they make it all seem too real, I prefer my numb existence.

_**When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears**_

_**When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears**_

_**And I held your hand through all of these years**_

_**But you still have**_

_**All of me**_

I remember when he used to have nightmares, he'd come and crawl into my bed, I'd reassure him that everything was alright. Then he'd cuddle into me and stay there for the rest of the night. I used to say that it was immature of him, a man in his thirties, looking for comfort from his nightmares, but I wish he were here to do it again.

Now you're gone, I have nobody to comfort me, when I have nightmares. Nightmares where I relive you dying over and over again. Its all my fault, I know it is. The pain possesses me, I can't escape it.

_**You used to captivate me**_

_**By your resonating light**_

_**Now I'm bound by the life you left behind**_

_**Your face it haunts**_

_**My once pleasant dreams**_

_**Your voice it chased away**_

_**All the sanity in me**_

He used to glow, not in a weird way, but when he walked into a room, he would light it up, people wanted to talk to him, he captivated them, the same way as he did me.

The night he died, it haunts my dreams. I see me driving us home from a day out, me not paying attention to the road, and finally, I see my best friend laying in a hospital bed, I hear the three words nobody wanted to hear 'I'm so sorry'.

I've gone crazy with my one thought- It should have been me. It was my fault, although everyone tells me that it was the other driver's for swerving into the wrong lane, but to this day I still believe, that if I'd have paid more attention, he would be here with me.

_**These wounds won't seem to heal**_

_**This pain is just too real**_

_**There's just too much that time cannot erase**_

I'm nearly choking on my own tears by this point. I find myself, running out of the flat, tears streaming down my face. I know people must think I'm strange, but I've gone beyond the point of caring now.

_**I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone**_

_**But though you're still with me**_

_**I've been alone all along**_

His grave. I haven't been able to come her since the funeral. I hate myself for it. I look at the headstone. He'd have liked it. White marble, gold lettering, covering of fresh flowers. God, so many people loved him, they're still leaving stuff.

I trace over every letter with the tip of my finger, muttering the words to myself. I got them to put about him being the king of the mods, he'd have liked that too.

**Vincent Noir,**

**Loving Friend,**

**Beloved Son,**

**King of the Mods **

**Always Missed.**

I see him, appearing in front of me. He looks ethereal, pale but just as beautiful as he looked in life. He gives me a smile, that is all teeth, white and pearly. I must be imagining it surely?

"Howard"

I don't even know if I'm imagining it, but it seems so real, I find myself replying.

"Yes little man?" I say, as if we're back in the flat, enjoying the better days, like we lived nine months and three days ago.

"Howard, I've missed you so much" He says to me, his bright blue eyes looking at me, like they never want to look at anything else but me.

"I've missed you too little man, my life's nothing without you, I need you, you complete me"

"I know Howard, I feel the same"

"Vince.."

"Yes Howard?"

"I'm sorry, it was all my fault"

"No, it wasn't, it was nobody's fault, it was an accident. It was my time to go, up there they say everybody has a time"

"Really?"

"Yes. I don't want you to live like you are now, I want you to get out there, enjoy your life, live for me. I can't come back, but we can be together again in the end, your tears won't bring me back now, so you go and enjoy yourself. Have a good life Howard, do it for me."

"Ok Vince"

"Promise?"

"Yes"

"See you in the end."

I look at the space where he stood. Did I really see him? I think I did. I'm going to do what he told me to, I'm going to get out there and live my life to the full, and I'm going to do it for him.

**Please Review, but be kind, I'm a bit nervous about this fic.**

**The review button will either give you a tissue, sick bucket, or a pointy stick to hit me with. Your choice.**


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